Imagination.

Imagination is a powerful thing. Children create imaginary friends with them, artists create masterpieces and some people even use them as professions. They are called “Imagineers”. But I digress. My imagination is not used to create friends or paint or create theme parks. I mostly use it to confess, and sometimes even create my own reality, when things go sour.

I have an overly active imagination. Often I find myself drifting off into a deep state of mind where I submerge myself into whatever artificial reality I made up. But recently, I noticed a pattern in these deep thoughts of mine.

These thoughts usually occur when I am doing something that requires little brain power. Like driving. I imagine things when going down the road at 100 kilometers per hour, only to realise that, that might not be in the best interest of me trying to stay alive.

I imagine my mother’s funeral. I imagine confessing to everyone that I truly loved her, and how her life was unfair and how she was treated like a cancer tumor by her own children and everyone around her. I confess to everyone there and show them their mistakes and make them feel the pain, but also make them feel my love for my departed mother. I imagine sitting down on a stage, next to a blown-up picture of her smiling and in her youth, and I imagine playing an instrument and singing her a song, as a way of saying good bye.

But not all my thoughts are made of shadows and sin. I often imagine confessing to a person that I love her. Standing close to her, looking into her eyes, stroking her face, her hair and showing her all the love I can possibly give. I tell her things, like how strongly I feel about her. How her smile makes me feel alive. How her laughter makes my face light up. How I wish her hands would touch my skin. How I wish to embrace her and protect her from all harm. How I wish to see her beautiful face every day for the rest of my given life. And how all I want to do is to be her best friend and make her happy.

When people go insane, they create their own reality that is in their favour. Maybe I’m going insane. Or maybe I am just preparing myself for the big, life changing events that are inevitably going to happen. Either way, I think my mind is working against me.

Advertisement

~ by deartragedy on April 20, 2011.